Wild Swans

Three Pagodas

As we explore the three pagodas and their successive Buddhist temples on the hillside overlooking Erthai Lake in Dali, I ask Mei, “Have you read the book, ‘Wild Swans’ by Jung Chang?” “No, I haven’t. Other tourists have told me about the book, so I’ve looked for it at the library and the bookstore, but haven’t been able to find it”. Later in town, I notice a bookstore. “Maybe they have the ‘Wild Swans’?” “Yes, maybe, that bookstore is mostly for tourists.” Mei asks the clerk. She takes us to the second floor where they keep a fairly large selection of English language books and goes straight to the book and pulls it from the shelf. As Mei translates, I ask the clerk, “Do many people buy this book?” “Yes, it’s our best selling book.” “Who buys it?” “Tourists.” “How about Chinese?” “No. Never.” “Is it available in Chinese?” “No, only English.” “Do you want to buy it, Mei?” “No, it costs too much. Now that I know that it’s available, I know where to get it.” “Ask the clerk if they have the ‘Rape of Nanking’ by Iris Chang?” Mei translates, “No, they don’t, not in English or Chinese.” As we leave the bookstore, Mei comments, “I’ve heard about this book. I want to read it. The Japanese did terrible things and still don’t admit to it. The Japanese children are taught lies about what happened. I participate in an online chat forum where we talk about the Japanese problem and everybody hates them. But we’re no longer afraid of them. They say Diaoyu islands belong to them. They belong to us. Everyone on the forum thinks we’re going to war with Japan. Nobody thinks the United States will help the Japanese. They are our worst enemies. We shouldn’t do business with them at all.

Tell Her You Love Her

Mei

In Kunming, Ju Lian, and I check out the jade jewelry. She confides, “My husband never gives me a gift, not even a card on Valentine’s day. He is not romantic. He never says he loves me. He tells me, ‘I’m not your lover. I’m your husband.’ When he makes love, it’s very quick — too quick. I asked my mother if this was right. My mother told me, ‘this is normal. Chinese men don’t know how to be romantic.’ I think most Chinese women are disappointed with their husbands. It’s a part of our tradition — our culture. We can’t do anything about it.” Later in Dali, I ask Mei, my male guide, “Have you ever told your wife that you love her or given her a bouquet of?” “No, never. Men don’t do that sort of thing.” “Do you know that Chinese women are not happy with Chinese men?” “Yes, I know, but it’s our tradition. It’s something we can’t change.” “Would it hurt you, if today, you bought your wife a bouquet of flowers and told her you love her?” “I can’t do that. People will laugh at me. It will be very embarrassing.” “Do you think your wife would like it?” “Maybe.” “Then, I’ll buy the flowers for you.” “No, I don’t want you to. It’s not right.” “Look, they’re selling flowers on the corner. I’m going to buy a bouquet and you’re going to give them to your wife.” “No, don’t!” I persist. Finally Mei relents. “But I’m going to buy them, not you.” “Okay, I think that’s only right.” As the lady cuts eleven long stem roses, Mei relaxes and smiles, “I’ve never done anything like this before. It might actually be a good idea. My wife will be so surprised.” “But don’t forget to tell her you love her,” I say. “I won’t,” he laughs.

China's One Child Policy

Stone Forest (Kunming, China)

As we hike through the Stone Forest not far from Kunming, Ju Lian, my guide, and I talk about China’s one child policy. “We have a serious population problem,” Ju Lian tells me. “So, I’m okay with the one child policy, although my husband and I sometimes say we would like another child. Children are very expensive, especially their education, so one child is already more than most of us can afford. If you live in a rural area or are from an ethnic group, it’s possible to have more than one child. The government doesn’t punish you for having a second child. They just won’t give your child an ID, which means the child won’t have access to health care, education, or employment opportunities. But this doesn’t bother some people who have enough money. There are always ways for them to pay for such things out of their own pocket. Of course, some people, with the right connections, can get extra IDs and there’s also the possibility of securing an ID through the black market. My biggest concern is that I want my child to go to a good school. My son has a Kunming ID so that’s good for getting into schools here. But there’s still the cost, which is very high. I don’t know how we’re going to afford it. Because we have only one child, we, like other parents, dote on our child. We want the very best for him and are willing to anything to make that happen.” “Do you think, the one child policy will ever be relaxed?” I ask. “No. It’s permanent, and that what people want.”

Nepal's Monarchy

Nisha

“I teach English to kindergarteners in Zhuhai.” Nisha, my Nepalese traveling companion to Kunming, tells me. “I have taught English there for six years. I love China and would like to live there permanently. Right now I have to renew my visa every year. Ever since our King and his family were assassinated during a banquet in 2002, Nepal has been a mess. No one can say what really happened or even how many people were killed. Our Maoist government won’t conduct an investigation or let anyone else conduct an investigation. My aunt was working at the palace at the time, but she was so traumatized that she can’t even talk. What’s strange is that everyone at the banquet, and we don’t know how many there were there, was killed — except for one of the two princes and his family. He’s now in Singapore and most think that he, along with the Maoist, was responsible. There are many rich people in Nepal, especially in the government, but the economy does not work, because people don’t want to invest or spend their money. My mother, for example, refuses to put her money in the bank out of fear she’ll lose it because there’s so much corruption. I don’t know what will become of my beloved Nepal. It’s so sad.”

Kama Sutra

Kama Sutra

From all appearances, Nepal is a socially and sexually conservative country. There’s little or no display of sex on billboards, newsstands, or television. Women wear long colorful dresses, often with under trousers, and swim and bathe fully robed. If they are so prudish, why, I wonder, can you find on the temples those graphic Kama Sutra images depicting every possible position of sexual intercourse? “They were believed to stimulate procreation and protect against natural disasters,” my guide in Kathmandu had matter-of-factly told me. And what about the Shiva temples? The temples are simple enclosures with small altar centerpieces; usually black oblong stones or concrete pieces set upright in concrete containers of various shapes. Flower pedals and red dust left by worshippers adorn the upright pieces. When I first encountered one of these shrines in India, my guide had said, “It’s an altar to Lord Shiva, the creative force in the universe.” I naively didn’t ask, “Why such an odd looking shape?” A week later, my barber in Pokhara set me straight: “It’s Lord Shiva’s penis in Parvati’s vagina.” “Okay,” I got it, “Who needs pornography when the center piece of one’s religion is pornographic — hmm? — I may be missing something here.”