Bride Kidnapping

Bohom Gorge

“Last year there were over 1,500 bride kidnappings reported,” Cholpon explained, as we wound our way through the Bohom Gorge on our way from Bishkek to Lake Issyk-Kul. “These are the ones that were reported, but since many more go unreported, because it’s the tradition, we have no idea how many bride kidnappings there have been. During soviet times, it was called ‘cattleknapping.’ Now it’s illegal and carries a sentence of three to seven years, yet it’s still practiced. When a family wants to kidnap a bride they conduct an investigation into the girl’s family and background, whether she comes from a good family, is good at housework, and will be well suited to her new family. It’s then they decide to kidnap her. The girl may be walking alone on a street when suddenly a car pulls up with a bunch of men and they force her inside. She may yell, bite, and scream, but they don’t pay attention, and take her to her new home, which has been prepared for the wedding. The old women in the household will have a white scarf ready for her. They will place it on her and tell her, ‘don’t worry, you’re going to be happy. We welcome you into our home. If she resists, they will do everything to persuade her to stay. They will tell her, that if she resists, she will be breaking with tradition and will be unhappy for the rest of her life. An old woman will take a piece of bread and lie down in the doorway and say, ‘If you step over an old woman and this piece of bread, which is sacred to us, you will be cursed for the rest of your life.’ The threat of a curse from an old lady is scary for us and so finally the young girl agrees to stay. She stays also because to escape kidnapping is viewed by the community as having been married and divorced, so men in the village will no longer want to have anything to do with her. Sometimes the parents of the girl are upset, but other times they’re okay with it as they can see that the groom comes from a good family. My cousin, 21, very pretty, and attending the university, was kidnapped in Bishkek, but in her case it was someone we knew, a distant relative, and so, at first, my cousin didn’t even know that she had been kidnapped. It began with her being asked to come to their house to babysit their daughters while they went out to eat. But instead of taking her to their house, they took her to another house where an old lady had the white wedding scarf prepared for her. That’s when she knew that she had been kidnapped and immediately started complaining. When her brothers found out what had happened, they gathered their friends, and with guns came after her. As a result, we now have a very bad relationship with these relatives. What’s most irritating about her abduction was that the man was 31 years old, had been married twice, had a daughter, and had just divorced his second wife two days earlier. I think he wanted to prove to his previous wife that he could marry someone young, smart, and beautiful.”